Criticizing is easy - Shepherding takes work

Aren't you tired of hearing people criticize the "American Church?" I am. It's so easy to do. But what good does it do? It only puffs us up and makes us feel good about being not that bad. It's really sad. It doesn't take a prophet to see how we've fallen as His Church, but come on - enough is enough.

I'm a pastor. I figure the best thing I can do for Jesus' Church is to be a good example and to pastor well - not to be an expert or a critic, but as a learner; one who is growing in ways to care:

1 Peter 5:2-4

"shepherd the flock of God that is among you,
exercising oversight, not because you must,
but because you are willing,
as God wants you to be; not greedy for money, but eager to serve;
not lording it over those entrusted to you,
but being examples to the flock.
And when the Chief Shepherd appears,
you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away."

Being an example and caring deeply for the flock has rippling effects - positive effects. Sitting back and being the expert, or critic doesn't produce anything but a critical spirit in others. I know it's the "in" thing to do and it does sound impressive. But if people are drawn to us in our criticialness, they're certainly not drawn to the Lord in us - since our Lord Himself is deeply in love with His Church.

In the passage above, Peter mentions that it's "God's flock." We are His treasured posession. He chose the word flock which is a term of affection, endearment. He has deep affection for His people, His Church; people who name the name of Jesus but are all flawed and sometimes act foolishly ...people like...well, like you and me.

Heb 2:11-12

Both the one who makes men holy and those who are made holy
are of the same family.
So Jesus is not ashamed to call them brothers.

Who is them?.. them that Jesus is not ashamed to call "Brother... sister"? If this only applied to those who followed Him all the time, then He'd be ashamed of us all. Yet, he includes all of us: He's not ashamed to call us who believe in Him his brothers and sisters. Are you ashamed to call those in your congregation "brother," "sister?" How about in other congregations?

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All I'm encouraging us all to do is this: Let's get in sync with Jesus in His love for His church. The bottom line is this: Jesus loves His Church, though it's quite faulty, and we ought to join Him in His deep love for His Church for which He died and intercedes.

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Eph 5:25-26

Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Rom 8:33-34

Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen?
It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns?

Christ Jesus, who died

— more than that, who was raised to life —
is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us.

Are we partnering with Jesus as He intercedes for His Church? Sure, we can't close our eyes on all the craziness that has crept into the Church. We need to free ourselves from that insanity. We also need to admit that, yes - Christians can be the flakyest, compromising, selfish, hateful and proud people on this planet, and we do need to warn, to exort, to encourage. But we can do so in a way that brings life - not in a critical way.

So, the next time I hear a criticism of the Church, instead of screaming "ENOUGH ALREADY!," I'm just going to let people gripe all they want and attend to my own business - of being an example and of shepherding the dear people of God that He has entrusted to me as His under-shepherd.


...........................................“It is not the critic who counts,

not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles,

or where the doer of deeds could have done better.

The credit belongs to the man in the arena,

whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood,

who strives valiantly…who knows the great enthusiasm,

the great devotions and who spends himself in a worthy cause,

who at best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement,

and who at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly,

so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls

who have known neither victory or defeat.”

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- Teddy Roosevelt

"It's happening..."

It's 4:15 a.m., and our daughter Candace walks into our room and says, "It's happening...". We knew what that meant. We knew what was happening. Life. Life was happening. New life was being born. Number six grandson was soon going make his grand entrance into this crazy and awesome world. Enter Roman Grey: take your first breath, be cleaned up, footprinted, wrapped in swaddling clothes and handed over to your "glad-it's-over" and overjoyed mom (her first words to her newborn were: "I've missed you!").

Candace and her family stayed at our home because the hospital was close by and she was in the "any day now" mode. Soon after she woke us up, Mark, Candace and her sister Jenni were on their way to the hospital in one car and my wife followed in our car. Then...it happened. According to the World Population Clock, Roman Grey became the 6,485,000,000th person (give or take a few thousand) to grace the planet Earth with a witness of the image of God -

Later that morning my whole tribe filled the hospital room in which dwelt the new celebrated baby: my wife, all the 6 grandkids, my two dear daughters and their awesome husbands. At one point, I was observing it all through the lens of my camera, taking scores of pictures of all the life that was happening in the room: everyone taking turns holding the baby, Mark wiping the creamcheese off the new baby's head (his sister Ivana accidently anointed him from an Einstein's bagel she had just eaten), Candace, thankful for the quick delivery (about an hour), reminissing with her sister Jenni - the unofficial but effective doula (birthing coach) - over that recent emotion-filled hour, Jillian jumping for the string that held the "It's a boy" balloon which was stuck to the ceiling. I thought, "This is life! Life is good! Kids, grandkids, joy!" I felt like the richest man in the world.

It was still happening. My family who brings me so much joy, was happening. Life was happening. Newborn life. Family life. I felt very bless'd to be alive. And it's still happening.

As Grand Poobah of the tribe, a prayer for Roman Grey seems to be in order:

"Father in heaven, bless my new grandson Roman Grey. Thanks for his awesome parents and family You've given him that will love him, and model for him Your ways. May he grow up to be a strong man of God. May his life be a tale of great chivalry wooing people to You*. May he contrast this grey** world with the many colors of Your ways and Your love. In Jesus name and for His sake!"

* Roman - from the French word romance, which means: to court or woo romantically; treat with ardor or chivalrousness, or, the colorful world, life, or conditions depicted in such tales

** Grey - dull or dark - as in a gray, rainy afternoon, or, lacking in cheer; gloomy (a gray mood).

I Live To "Wow" My Heavenly Father

What??? Do you really think you can "wow" the Almighty? The Creator of heaven and earth?

The short answer: Yup. You see, we were created to "wow" someone - to please someone. Many people live for themselves - to "wow" themselves. Many live to please others - to "wow" others. But we, as followers of Jesus, understand that we were created (and have been re-created) and called to "wow" God - to please God.
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2 Cor 5:8-10

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We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So we make it our goal to please him,

whether we are at home in the body or away from it.

For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ,

that each one may receive

what is due him for the things done while in the body,

whether good or bad.

Did you catch that? "So we make it our goal to please Him!" That assumes that we actually can bring pleasure to God. Is that truly possible? The short answer again: Yup!

God, who is the Great Creator, actually created us for His pleasure - to please Him, bless Him, to "wow" Him. But one may ask, "How can we bring a genuine pleasure to a God who is totally sufficient in Himself, totally complete in Himself (Father, Son and Holy Spirit)? Good question. The God, who created us, also had the ability to create within Himself a pleasure that only we, His awesome image bearers, could fulfill. He's opened that part of His heart up to us and we can either bring to His heart genuine pleasure or grief.

The genuine plesure we can bring to God is not a pre-programmed, micro-managed pleasure that He makes sure will take place. That kind of "pleasure" would be the same kind a father would experience in this scenario: a father has a rebellious and sloppy 10 year old son who refuses to clean his room, so the father forcebly opens his boy's hands, making him pick up each garment and toy. When the father's finished, he sits back and says, "My, what pleasure you've brought me by cleaning up your room!" Yeah, right!

Compare that scenario to the same rebellious and sloppy son who cleans his room without even being asked to do so, because he values the relationship he has with his father and understands that he has the power to "wow" him. That's what I'm talkin' about. That's pure pleasure his father would experience. In fact, the father, upon walking in the clean room may say, "Wow! I'm so pleased with you, son."

We must understand here that we became pleasing to the Father, accepted fully, when we believed in Jesus. Yet, there is another level of pleasure we can bring to Him. Why else would Jesus encourage us to seek the approval from God verses man's approval? He rebuked the Pharisees for seeking praise from man instead of seeking praise from God:
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John 5:44

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How can you believe if you accept praise from one another,

yet make no effort to obtain the praise that comes from the only God?

The Roman Centurian received praise from Jesus after he did something that "wow'd" Him. Luke records that "...Jesus marvelled..." at his faith - which was working through a heart of love (for his servant - see Luke 7:2-10).

We were created to live for something, someone greater than ourselves; not just to live "to not sin so much" or "to not breaking our Father's heart." We're created for His pleasure - to "wow" Him. Faith and love wow God. No, He's not surprised at what we're capable of doing. He knows all we are capable of - the opportunities, possibilities to please Him or grieve Him that each moment affords us. But He marvels when we actually move in faith, in love. He's pleased when we push aside that which grieves Him and choose that which pleases Him - wow's Him.

And "wow-ing" Him is not just in those great exploits. I can picture God saying, "Wow!" regarding the woman who is faithful in her care-giving to an elderly parent or friend. I can hear him say of her, "This woman continually puts her own life aside and pours out to this friend for the greater reward I promised her. What faith! What love! Wow!"

What else do I think "wows" God? Being faithful - in a age of unfaithfulness, showing equal devotion in each and every task (integrity - and qucik repentance when we blow it), growing in love one for another, the way we believe God - take Him at His word (without faith it is impossible to "wow" Him / to please Him - Heb. 11:6), the way we trust Him and (even) rejoice in difficult times. When we're living this kind of Life, if you listen, you will hear Him saying, "Wow! Great job, son (or daughter)." And the greatest final "wow" we can bring to God is on That Day (the Judgment Day of reward for the believer ....refer to the passage above - 2 Corinthians 5:7-10) when his Son rewards us with a full reward.

Wowing God? I'm just following Jesus' example. He said,
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John 8:29-30

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The one who sent me is with me; he has not left me alone,

for I always do what pleases him."

Similiarly, through Jesus Christ's His enabling power working in me, the Father's "wow" is what I live for. Can we actually do something to put a smile on our Father's face? You betcha. Believe it or not, you can.

We're going to live to "wow" someone because we were created this way, whether it be to wow yourself, or another. I'm just choosing that someone to be my Heavenly Father. I think He's worth all the wows we can bring to Him. And this is not a one time decision - it's a continual day by day, moment by moment decision. And He is continaully helping me as I often hear Him whispering to my spirit these kinds of sobering questions: "If you're not living for My "wow," whose "wow" are you living for? If you're not living for My reward, whose reward are you living for?

When you wake up in the morning, I challenge you to start the day with this thought /prayer: "I am not created to please myself - I am created to please my Father in heaven. Father, help me to wow You today." I believe it will transport you out of the realm of worldly spins into the realm of the Kingdom of God.
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Phil 3:15-16

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All of us who are mature should take such a view of things.

And if on some point you think differently,

that too God will make clear to you.

Only let us live up to what we have already attained.

God likes me? PART I

Col 3:1-4

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Since, then, you have been raised with Christ,

set your hearts on things above,

where Christ is seated at the right hand of God.

Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.

For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.

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(emphasis mine)

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"...raised with Christ?", "...you died...", "...your life is now hidden with Christ in God?" What in the world does all this mean? To the believer in Jesus, this passage can make perfect sense - but only if we understand it in this light: God now deals with us, addresses us in a totally new way: as His precious and dear children that He delights in. Yes, He actually likes us.

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It's like this: since I became born again, when I believed in Jesus, God sees me, speaks to me, deals with me, addresses me as His dear child that He thoroughly delights in [that He likes]. It means that when he addresses me, He focus is on "the new person" that I now am and it's never on the sin. Now I didn't say that He doesn't address the sin, or doesn't deal with the sin. It's just that now, He doesn't focus on or personify the old man (remember, he's dead). Here's a literal translation of a verse that expresses the Father's heart (from an Old English version) -

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Ps 130:3-4

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If iniquities Thou dost observe, O Lord, who doth stand?

But with Thee [is] forgiveness, that Thou mayest be feared.

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Youngs Literal Translation

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The Apostle Paul says, "For you died..." What? I feel pretty much alive. What does this mean? It means that my heavenly Father is ever speaking to me - not to the "old me" (the me I was before I was a believer) - but to the new me. The real me...the bran' new man. The one who is "risen with Christ" and whose life is "hidden with Christ in God."

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2 Cor 5:17-18

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Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation;

old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.

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NKJV

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The Greek word for "all" means "all!" All things have become new. The way God sees you, treats you, deals with you, that has become new too!. The reason the Christian may not be hearing Him is because he's listening with my "dead man" ears -- the ears that are not only deaf. They're dead! No wonder we can't hear Him sometimes! We need to listen with the awakened, born again ears that He's touched and made alive.

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Bringing this simple truth to mind makes all the difference in the world: that I am now, as He says, "risen with Christ," and that I have been crucified with Christ and that I'm this renewed person that God thoroughly delights in, that God looks at me as His dear one, and deals with me that way and now according to my sins or inconsistancies. When I bring this to mind, I start to hear Him again (He's not mute, you know...He is speaking to us). It' s in this "secret place" or "hidden place" with God that I find the greatest communion.

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Ps 91:1

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He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High

Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

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It's only when I remember this that I find myself drawing close to my Heavenly Father - whether in my quiet time, or during the day. In other words, whether it's with God or with people, I will always gravitate toward, move toward, want to be around the one who actually likes me. Conversely, I will tend to avoid, not want to be around someone who doesn't like me. And don't think that this doesn't apply to God. As much as we know we ought to draw near to Him, boldly, and often, think about it - do you find yourself doing this often? Not in theory, but in reality? In a reverent, yet relaxed way? Drawing close to Him, jumping into His deep love and acceptance for you? Jumping on the Father's lap, knowing that He's delighting in you as you do?

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Ps 37:44

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Delight yourself in the Lord

and he will give you the desires of your heart.

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But I do find myself delighting in Him in that reverent, relaxed communion the moment I bring to mind that God, who created me for His pleasure, actually likes me; He likes to be with me, likes my presence, my heart, my voice... me! I do tend to avoid communing with Him if I think that I'm just a bother; someone to be tolerated; a pain in the neck. I find myself "delighting in the Lord" much more when I realize that He's not just tolerating me - He enjoys my presence and I enjoy His!

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What does it mean to be liked by God? It means that He will always look at the best in you. If He tells us that love "believes all things," then God, being love ("God is love" 1 John 4:8b), certainly practices what He preaches and believes the best in us. It also means that He will never reject you - ever. That He will always treat you as one who is precious to Him.

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When I start actually believing this truth (that God not only loves me, but likes me), and started wearing this, I felt so comfortable in His love I heard my heart say, "So, what's not to like?" That didn't last long. I immediately start thinking (with a little help from the Accuser) of all those things about myself that are inconsistent, weak and pathetic. "That's what's not to like!" is what the personified flesh says. But, I get victory if the next thoughts are, "Yeah, but that's not what God focuses on. That "old man" who personifies those inconsistent, weak and pathetic ways is dead to God! That's just not how He sees me...deals with me!"

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And even though I confess sins to Him (I don't pretend the sins and inconsistencies aren't there), His voice to me, His heart toward me is always void of condemnation and full of grace. He is speaking, and will always and only speak to me as His dear child, his delight. So, indeed - what's not to like?

I challenge anyone reading this to discuss this thought with God and ask Him, "Do You always focus on and address the real me - the born again me? And do You really like me? Then, listen to how He responds to you. Maybe if you hear Him saying to you, "Of course I like you! I made you in My image, unique, and likable. What's not to like?", you might actually find yourself drawing close to Him more and more. Give it a test. First thing in the morning, acknowledge that you are a total delight to your Father in heaven, and then bring that thought to mind throughout the day. Then see if you find yourself communing with Him more. You'll eventually find out that it's the truth anyway, whether you believe it or not.

God likes me? PART II

Three umpires are boasting, each one thinking that his approach to calling a ball or a strike is superior.

The first umpire says, “I calls ‘em as I sees ‘em.”

The second umpire says, “I calls ‘em as they are.”

The third umpire says, “They are as I calls ‘em.”

I always liked this one. When I heard this, I kind of liked the third umpire, even though I thought he was a little arrogant and even unfair. His "call" can be a horrible one, yet it still stands. "They are as he calls 'em" and, as unfair as this may be, the fact is: it's the truth. And there may be a good analogy here of God calling the believer in Jesus "righteous," even though his behavior doesn't quite line up. I'll explain:

In this analogy, the umpire's call, or evaluation, is regarding if you are a condemned sinner, or a precious saint. Let's say that the first umpire’s call represents your self-evaluation, the second umpire’s call represents other’s evaluation of you, and the the third umpire’s call represents God’s evaluation of you. I'll go into a little more detail:

The first umpire’s call represents your self-evaluation – your own understanding. You "call yourself as you see yourself" but, with your limited knowledge and insight, you will see your sin as either overwhelming (letting it define you and being discouraged or condemning yourself), or you will ignore it and not deal with it correctly (avoiding the remorse and repentance it warrants and becoming proud, arrogant, deceived).

We are commanded to "not depend on our own understanding..."

Prov 3:5-8

Trust in the Lord with all your heart;

do not depend on your own understanding.

Seek his will in all you do,and he will show you which path to take.

Don't be impressed with your own wisdom.Instead,

fear the Lord and turn away from evil.

Then you will have healing for your bodyand strength for your bones.

The second umpire’s call represents other’s evaluation of you; those who posture as “experts," or those we look at as experts. You think they "see you for who you really are." These may be your accusers, critical of all your faults and sins (which, by the way, really are there), or, they may be deceived themselves and belittle sins, elevating you to “godhood” as if you had no sin at all (i.e. New Age, Christian Science).

Rev 12:10-11

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Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say:

"Now have come the salvation and the power
and the kingdom of our God,and the authority of his Christ.
For the accuser of our brothers,
who accuses them before our God day and night,
has been hurled down.
They overcame himby the blood of the Lamb
and by the word of their testimony;
they did not love their lives so muchas to shrink from death.
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2 Cor 11:14-15

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Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light.

It is not surprising, then,

if his servants masquerade as servants of righteousness.

Their end will be what their actions deserve.

The third umpire’s call represents God’s evaluation of you: "You are as He calls you." The third umpire knows his authority and understands that whatever he says, stands. Whatever God says, goes. His evaluation of you is the final say; it's authoritative (because of His nature, His position and His authority), and it’s what STANDS, even if what you are appears to be different. The moment you believed in Jesus, God calls you, "Righteous!" "Precious." "Dear to Me."
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The opposing team's manager can run out of the dugout and rant and rave at the umpire for his unfair call, but it doesn’t matter; what the umpire says, STANDS. The crowds can boo and hiss, but it doesn’t matter; what the umpire says, STANDS: "They are as I calls 'em." And you are as God calls you! And God calls you, "My dear son, in whom I delight!" or "My dear daughter, in whom I delight."

The enemy, the accuser of your soul who sees your sin so clearly, may say it’s not fair for you to be called "precious" or “righteous." You yourself may think it’s not fair that you have become so dear to God, because you too can see your sin, your inconsistancies so clearly, but it doesn’t matter; what God says about you STANDS! He has the final say about you. Other’s may call you unworthy, pathetic and hopeless, but it doesn’t matter. You may think of yourself like this, but it doesn't matter. What God says about you, STANDS. He is your ultimate "Definer."

God is not blind to your sins, but He does not see you as sin personified. He doesn’t deal with you according to your sins, nor does He define you according to your sins. And though He "calls us out" on our sins, He also calls you His precious one. You are His delight. He sees you as His righteous son or daughter, because He’s imparted that righteousness to you based on Jesus’ death and resurrection. This call IS SETTLED FOR ETERNITY, because, “You are as He calls you!” He showed you His love through Jesus' awesome sacrifice on the cross. He opened your eyes to see. You believed in Him. He's accepted you, calls you His own, calls you righteous... yes, He likes you!
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1 Corinthians 1:30, 31

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Yet, from this same God

you have received your standing in Jesus Christ,

and he has become for us the true wisdom,

a matter, in practice, of being made righteous and holy,

in fact, of being redeemed.

And this makes us see the truth of the Scripture:

‘He that glorieth, let him glory in the Lord.’

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An excerpt from Watchman Nee's Devotional Book: A Table in the Wilderness (day: July 9)

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The accuser of our brethren is cast down,

which accuseth them before our God day and night.

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- Revelation 12:10

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Satan is a murderer and a deceiver, he entices and he attacks; but today he specializes in accusing. Heaven recognizes this, and so must every Christian. Night and day he accuses us, and his charges, which are not unfounded, are directed at our conscience --the very point where we most lack the strength to fight him. His object is to drive us to think in despair, "I am a hopeless failure! God can do nothing with me!" Conscience is a precious thing, but to repeat endlessly "I am no good! I am no good!" is not Chritian humility. To confess our sins is wholesome, but let us never carry confession to the point where our sinfulness looms for us larger than the work of Christ. The Devil knows no weapon more effective against you and me than the creation of this illusion. What is the remedy? Plead guilty to God. Confess to him "Lord, I am no good!" but then remind yourself of the precious Blood, and looking away to his glory, add: "But Lord, I am abiding in thee!"

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I close with this spontaneous poem I just wrote:

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MAN: THE CROWN OF HIS CREATION

Created for His pleasure

The Father delights in you;

You are His greatest treasure

Your heart knows this is true.

So do not fight the joy
That this thought can bring;
And when it works into your soul
It’ll make you dance and sing!

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If you're not dancing and singing about this, or at least believing this truth with great joy, it probably hasn't worked into your soul yet -- but it's still true. Just look to God and ask Him, "In spite of all my inconsistancies, failures, am I still a delight to You?" And then be still and let Him personally show you the answer. When you hear it from Him personally, you'll never be the same - for His delight in you is not contingent upon how you're doing or what you're doing - but it's totally dependent on what HE has done....created you in His image and redeemed you, made you acceptable to Him through the finished work of Jesus.

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In The Trenches Together: True Friends

There are many kinds of friends: high-school friends, friends you grew up with, fair-weather friends and then, there are true friends. And among true friends there are friends that are distant and there are friends that are with you in the trenches; friends that you are partnering with. The "partnership-friends," mainly those who are in your congregation*, are to me the truest friends.

[*your congregation: fellow followers of Jesus with whom you meet on a regular basis to worship God, learn of His word and encourage one another; believers to whom you are committed, and leaders to whom you are submitted]

THE FOUNDATION: BEING JESUS' FRIEND FIRST
What makes a friendship rich and meaningful is when two people are going in the same direction together, fulfilling the same purpose. Jesus has many people who believe in Him and therefore, are going to heaven with Him, but friendship with Jesus is conditioned upon partnership with Him in His Kingdom work - in loving one another. He said,
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"You are my friends if you do what I command...

...this is my command: Love each other.

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John 15:14, 17 (emphasis mine)

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The key word here is "if." Friendship with Jesus is conditioned upon our joining Him in His love for people. So, true friendship is connected to partnership - two people going in the same direction, with the same purpose, the same heart, in the trenches together. Jesus is first a friend to us - by giving His life for us. When we believed in Him, we were then open to hear Him invite us to be a friend to Him. Taking Him up on that invitation and committing to follow Him wholeheartedly, your whole life makes you His friend. It's upon this friendship/partnership with Jesus that we develop true friends - Kingdom friends.

TRUE FRIENDS: IN THE TRENCHES TOGETHER
My truest friends are those believers in my congregation that have been with me through the years: when I'm at my best, and when I'm at my worst...through times of celebration and through very difficult times. People who are committed to me and I to them. And I'm blessed to have friends like this in my congregation - like the couple who drove with me and my wife to the doggie shelter when we had to put our little dog down and helped me dig the hole to bury her. Or the couple who will listen to my wife and I when we need to get some feedback and counsel. Or the men that I meet with on a weekly basis that hold my foot to the fire and I them. And on and on I could go.

I'm a bless'd man because I have some true friends in the Kingdom, in our congregation. A brother told me the other day: "Michael, you're first my friend, then my pastor." Some pastors might be offended by this. I was honored. Why? Because one only needs to be a part of our congregation to call me pastor, but for one to call me his friend, that takes time, commitment, working through conflicts, spending time with, "being there" for, and earning trust.

THE GAUGE: DO I HAVE TRUE "KINGDOM FRIENDS"
So, how do you know if you have that kind of friend? [speaking to guys now...some tuff talk...so, if you can't take it, proceed no further] If you're a believer who has left a fellowship and didn't stick around because there was a conflict, you missed a golden opportunity to develop a true friendship. What will it take to get started again? Stop bein' such a wimp and get back into the battle!
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Enough of this, "Well, I was hurt, so I left the church." That's baby-talk. What kind of a man does that? I'll tell you what kind of a man - a "girly-man" that's who. Men ought to use the testosterone God gave them to aggressively move in to messy situations and bring order to them. Did you confront the one who hurt you and really try to work it out in a Biblical way before you left the congregation? If you didn't, then you've never grown up. You're a wimp! Grow up! [to women reading this: relax, guys can take this kind of talk].
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Josh Harris summed up this problem in title of his book: Stop Dating Your Church. People who are not committed to a local congregation cannot experience these true frienships. They have a "dating" experience with a congregation and will never experience the richness of true friendship that only committment brings. They're floaters. A "floater" is one who goes from congregation to congregation, one who is afraid to commit, afraid to allow someone to really know him, afraid to meet with men on a regular basis and be real, vulnerable.

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If that's the case, then, unless there is a change, the chance of experiencing this kind of true friendship is about 0%. But, if one overcome his fears, and works through hurts and rejection and inner vows (i.e. "People hurt me when I opened up to them and I'll never open up to another person - ever!!!"), and starts being that friend to others, that man will be amazed at how many true friends he will have in his life.

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THE OPPORTUNITY: OPEN TO ALL

Is there someone in your congregation that really knows you? That you could pour out your heart to and he would listen to you? That has cared about you enough that, rather than bailing when there was conflict, he talked with you and worked it out with you? If you have a man like this in your congregation, then you have a true friend and you are a rich man. If you don't, well, it's not to late to start. But this is rare.

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The good thing about true friendships is this: anyone can develop these true friendships. The prerequisite is: one first must be sold out to the Lord and committed to the congreation in which God planted him. If that's in place, then just start by being that kind of friend to people.
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"A man that has friends must show himself friendly..."

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Proverbs 18:24 (KJV)

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JUMP IN: THE WATER'S FINE

Don't wait for one to pursue that kind of friendship with you. Stop waitin' and start initiatin'. And, it's not only worth it, but I've seen no other way that this true friendship can be experineced. It's there waiting for you. The real question is: "Do you want it, or will you let your fears control you?"

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O.K. Maybe your lack of commitment was done in ignorance. Maybe you didn't know that you, as a man of God, were required to press in and do all you can to work things out rather than to put your tail between your legs and flee. Maybe you didn't know the Biblical way of how to deal with conflicts. But, for the sake of Christ and His Kingdom, you don't have to continue in this ignorance. The Body of Christ needs some examples of men who won't wimp out and will stay the course; those who put feet to the word committment and who work out conflicts - who develop true Kingdom friendships. Will you be that example? It's in these friendships that the world takes notice and recognizes that we are truly His disciples, His friends.

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"By this all men will know that you are my disciples,

if you love one another."

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- Jesus

John 13:35