Selfish People Anonymous

Hi. I'm Michael, and I've been sober for about 10 minutes....actually, maybe 7.

I'm one of those people who want to care deeply, but see myself with this addiction to "me" - to "selfishness." Admitting this, I can get on with life and be sober for long periods of time - partnering with Jesus in this awesome business of caring for others - thinking about others before myself. I don't call my tendency toward this ungodly selfishness a "disease," though it's "like" a disease - for it effects every part of my being. It's due to the Fallness of my soul (which I inherited), and yet, I don't have to yield to this pull of selfishiness - which is constantly in me:

"...so I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me..."

- The Apostle Paul, Rom 7:21

I can overcome these pulls by first admitting that there is indeed this tendency to be utterly selfish in every situation I'm in. Then, if I cling to the Lord for His power to overcome, He will shower me with His grace to overcome. Also, I learn to overcome accusation, guilt and shame by taking responsibility for every selfish action I act out, by repenting of the core sin - which is a floundering in my commitment to my Lord (which I can't blame on my fallenness or on a disease). By confessing my sin and thanking my Lord for the blood that "...cleanses me from all sin" (1 John 1:7-10), the enemy can't harrass me with his accusations.

Don't get me wrong; thinking of one's self is not always wrong. There is a sort-of "sanctified selfishness" - as long as what I'm doing is for my true greatest good -such as: growing in character. The pursuit of character growth is an unselfish goal becuase this is God's desire for me. Character is what we bring into glory with us, and proven character is rewarded. To puruse God's reward (verses man's reward) is a noble thing.

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And what is the eternal reward that God encourages me to pursue? It's His Affirmation (hearing from Him "...well done..." given only to the believers who overcome - Matt. 25:21), the Celebration (an invitation to the Marriage Supper of the Lamb - given only to the believers who overcome - Rev. 19:6-9), and Exaltation ("...come take your place of intimacy with Me - of co-rulership" - reserved only for the believers who overcome - Rev. 3:19-22). I'm learning to embrace God's reward (not man's) through Jesus Christ, to cleave to Him, and do whatever He says. As I do, He teaches me how to grow in this area of truly caring for people... for it's only in caring that I am delivered from my selfishness. This proven character only develops in me as I'm faithful in each task and as I puruse caring for others for the sake of receiving God's reward.

Overcoming these selfish pulls and living for Jesus' promised reward is the best thing I can do for myself, and the best way to glorfiy God - for God is most glorifed in our caring for people - with the same love that He loved us. Overcoming these pulls for Jesus' promised reward is doing what's best for myself in an obedient way (He commands us to love one antother, to overcome and to pursue His reward), verses the selfish way of putting my ego, or my pride or my conveniences or comforts above others.

Until I'm glorified, there is much godly character awaiting to be developed in me as I overcome these selfish pulls here and now...a character that can only be developed in the midst of these pulls... in this life - not in the next. This life, with all its struggles and turmoil, is the only time we have to develop this character. One can not develop this charater in "glory" because all the sinful pulls within, and all the evils of the world, and all the demons will be absent. And remember, this character can only be developed in the midst of adversity and opposition. We will one day look back at these days of trial and tribulation as "the Glory Days." I want my life to count for all eternity, and I don't know if I even have another full day left. Time to get one with this business of caring while I still have breath.

One day I'll be delivered from all these selfish pulls. Until then, thank You Lord for this once in a lifetime opportunity to go for that great eternal reward by trusting you in the midst of my crazy selfish pulls and overcoming them by caring for others.. for it's only in caring that I am delivered from my selfishness.

I'm Michael. I'm a selfish person. I've been sober for about 15 minutes now. ... actually, maybe 12. My higher power is a resurrected person. His name is Jesus.

P.S. It may be encouraging to know that the Apostle Paul was a member of "Selfish People Anonymous" - though he was quite an overcomer as well. Listen to his struggle:

I do not understand what I do.

For what I want to do I do not do,

but what I hate I do.
And if I do what I do not want to do,

I agree that the law is good.
As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it,

but it is sin living in me.
I know that nothing good lives in me,

that is, in my sinful nature.
For I have the desire to do what is good,

but I cannot carry it out.
For what I do is not the good

I want to do; no,

the evil I do not want to do —

this I keep on doing.
Now if I do what I do not want to do,

it is no longer I who do it,

but it is sin living in me that does it...
...What a wretched man I am!

Who will rescue me

from this body of death?
Thanks be to God —

through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So then, I myself

in my mind am a slave to God's law,

but in the sinful nature

a slave to the law of sin.

Therefore, there is now no condemnation

for those who are in Christ Jesus...

- The Apostle Paul, Rom 7:15-20, 7:23-8:1

P.P.S. One may ask, "Michael, O' honest and selfish person, how do you see yourself: as selfish or as godly?" Good question. When it comes to "who I am," I see myself as a glorious Image Bearer, a reborn son of my heavenly Father, a steward and friend of Jesus (who is my Lord and Master), and one of Jesus' co-rulers in training; someone who desires to please God and sometimes does. When it comes to "where I'm at" (in my maturity), I see myself as one in training, but still extremely selfish. My life testifies to this and so will those who really know me - especially my wife - though she is so accepting of me and patient. We have a saying, "Embrace the core and grace the crud." She embraces my core and shows lots of grace to my crud.

This view of myself, in my understanding, is in alignment with what the Bible says of me as well as how I'm really doing. With this view, I walk with confidence (in my new identity that Jesus gave me), but also in humility - not being defensive about or denying my immaturity, but, not letting my sins or sinful pulls identify me. I so appreciate the way Paul ends the passage above by declaring in the next chapter, "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." In this whole process, God is for me (not against me), He is with me (and not distant), and He will never condemn me. He totally accepts me - who I am, and where I'm at, All praise to my Great Shepherd who leads me in His awesome ways of caring for others, and helps me to deal with these sinful and selfish pulls as well as my failures. What a rich salvation we have!