In The Trenches Together: True Friends

There are many kinds of friends: high-school friends, friends you grew up with, fair-weather friends and then, there are true friends. And among true friends there are friends that are distant and there are friends that are with you in the trenches; friends that you are partnering with. The "partnership-friends," mainly those who are in your congregation*, are to me the truest friends.

[*your congregation: fellow followers of Jesus with whom you meet on a regular basis to worship God, learn of His word and encourage one another; believers to whom you are committed, and leaders to whom you are submitted]

THE FOUNDATION: BEING JESUS' FRIEND FIRST
What makes a friendship rich and meaningful is when two people are going in the same direction together, fulfilling the same purpose. Jesus has many people who believe in Him and therefore, are going to heaven with Him, but friendship with Jesus is conditioned upon partnership with Him in His Kingdom work - in loving one another. He said,
.

"You are my friends if you do what I command...

...this is my command: Love each other.

.

John 15:14, 17 (emphasis mine)

.

The key word here is "if." Friendship with Jesus is conditioned upon our joining Him in His love for people. So, true friendship is connected to partnership - two people going in the same direction, with the same purpose, the same heart, in the trenches together. Jesus is first a friend to us - by giving His life for us. When we believed in Him, we were then open to hear Him invite us to be a friend to Him. Taking Him up on that invitation and committing to follow Him wholeheartedly, your whole life makes you His friend. It's upon this friendship/partnership with Jesus that we develop true friends - Kingdom friends.

TRUE FRIENDS: IN THE TRENCHES TOGETHER
My truest friends are those believers in my congregation that have been with me through the years: when I'm at my best, and when I'm at my worst...through times of celebration and through very difficult times. People who are committed to me and I to them. And I'm blessed to have friends like this in my congregation - like the couple who drove with me and my wife to the doggie shelter when we had to put our little dog down and helped me dig the hole to bury her. Or the couple who will listen to my wife and I when we need to get some feedback and counsel. Or the men that I meet with on a weekly basis that hold my foot to the fire and I them. And on and on I could go.

I'm a bless'd man because I have some true friends in the Kingdom, in our congregation. A brother told me the other day: "Michael, you're first my friend, then my pastor." Some pastors might be offended by this. I was honored. Why? Because one only needs to be a part of our congregation to call me pastor, but for one to call me his friend, that takes time, commitment, working through conflicts, spending time with, "being there" for, and earning trust.

THE GAUGE: DO I HAVE TRUE "KINGDOM FRIENDS"
So, how do you know if you have that kind of friend? [speaking to guys now...some tuff talk...so, if you can't take it, proceed no further] If you're a believer who has left a fellowship and didn't stick around because there was a conflict, you missed a golden opportunity to develop a true friendship. What will it take to get started again? Stop bein' such a wimp and get back into the battle!
.
Enough of this, "Well, I was hurt, so I left the church." That's baby-talk. What kind of a man does that? I'll tell you what kind of a man - a "girly-man" that's who. Men ought to use the testosterone God gave them to aggressively move in to messy situations and bring order to them. Did you confront the one who hurt you and really try to work it out in a Biblical way before you left the congregation? If you didn't, then you've never grown up. You're a wimp! Grow up! [to women reading this: relax, guys can take this kind of talk].
.;

Josh Harris summed up this problem in title of his book: Stop Dating Your Church. People who are not committed to a local congregation cannot experience these true frienships. They have a "dating" experience with a congregation and will never experience the richness of true friendship that only committment brings. They're floaters. A "floater" is one who goes from congregation to congregation, one who is afraid to commit, afraid to allow someone to really know him, afraid to meet with men on a regular basis and be real, vulnerable.

.

If that's the case, then, unless there is a change, the chance of experiencing this kind of true friendship is about 0%. But, if one overcome his fears, and works through hurts and rejection and inner vows (i.e. "People hurt me when I opened up to them and I'll never open up to another person - ever!!!"), and starts being that friend to others, that man will be amazed at how many true friends he will have in his life.

.

THE OPPORTUNITY: OPEN TO ALL

Is there someone in your congregation that really knows you? That you could pour out your heart to and he would listen to you? That has cared about you enough that, rather than bailing when there was conflict, he talked with you and worked it out with you? If you have a man like this in your congregation, then you have a true friend and you are a rich man. If you don't, well, it's not to late to start. But this is rare.

.

The good thing about true friendships is this: anyone can develop these true friendships. The prerequisite is: one first must be sold out to the Lord and committed to the congreation in which God planted him. If that's in place, then just start by being that kind of friend to people.
..

"A man that has friends must show himself friendly..."

.

Proverbs 18:24 (KJV)

.

JUMP IN: THE WATER'S FINE

Don't wait for one to pursue that kind of friendship with you. Stop waitin' and start initiatin'. And, it's not only worth it, but I've seen no other way that this true friendship can be experineced. It's there waiting for you. The real question is: "Do you want it, or will you let your fears control you?"

.

O.K. Maybe your lack of commitment was done in ignorance. Maybe you didn't know that you, as a man of God, were required to press in and do all you can to work things out rather than to put your tail between your legs and flee. Maybe you didn't know the Biblical way of how to deal with conflicts. But, for the sake of Christ and His Kingdom, you don't have to continue in this ignorance. The Body of Christ needs some examples of men who won't wimp out and will stay the course; those who put feet to the word committment and who work out conflicts - who develop true Kingdom friendships. Will you be that example? It's in these friendships that the world takes notice and recognizes that we are truly His disciples, His friends.

.

"By this all men will know that you are my disciples,

if you love one another."

.

- Jesus

John 13:35